


1+1=?

by asphyxiajun



Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: Forbidden Love, K-Pop - Freeform, M/M, secret crushes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-01 17:23:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13299618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asphyxiajun/pseuds/asphyxiajun
Summary: 93 line struggle.Donghun has lots of internal monologues.Group dynamics are hard.





	1. i

**Author's Note:**

> hi! i haven’t written anything in literal years. this is my first time writing about real people, which i never thought i’d do. whoop. sehkwan are basically a side pairing, chan is barely here i’m sorry gdtsgf
> 
> not betad, but i tried to catch anything. sorry for any typos!

It starts off slow. 

Slow enough that Donghun, for all it’s worth, doesn’t even realize it’s happening. Maybe he could have prevented it from the beginning, if he’d really tried to, but who would pass up the opportunity?

As cheesy as it sounded (and was), he thought of love— and all relationships, really— as something that should be treasured like the most delicate flower, something to appreciate while it was happening and not worry about whether it would wilt or not. He liked to appreciate beautiful things in the present so he would have no regrets when future him was looking on his past and reflecting on it, mistakes and all.

Which was an issue, because the current mistake Donghun was realizing he really wanted to make was one that couldn’t be taken lightly. Inter-group relationships were always dangerous, the very reason office romances were so common and caused so many problems: you’re in an environment that lets you get very close to one another, but if the relationship goes wrong, then you’re both now stuck in this suffocating space together. It was something that could split a group that used to feel like a family into something awkward and ignored until someone gave up and left.

And of course, despite knowing this, he found himself in a similar situation. Like an idiot.

Their particular group was only 5 in total, and Donghun was the oldest. Though he might not be the most well-rounded in the group or the one with the most training experience, he liked to think his personality still fit his role well. Taking care of the other members was what he did best no matter how much nagging he had to do to manage it at times, so he had seen parts of the members that even some of the others didn’t know. Some insecurities were better left unsaid, for example, and even if he didn’t always quite understand what they were about, every time he soothed them he felt like he learned that much more about them. 

With such complex people as groupmates, there was always something new to learn, and Donghun was happy with it. It was incredible that after so many years he was still able to learn new little quirks, opinions, and stressors about them, and really he ended up loving every single one of them. Even when they got into fights, they all knew there was a mutual love for each other in the group, a bond tighter than family since they had chosen each other as friends and coworkers.

Somehow, though, one of those mutual loves had warped. Not into something negative, just something... different.

Something that had Donghun sitting in their dorm’s living room, trying desperately to distract him from the drama playing on the television. It was, quite frankly, ridiculous that he could tell who had entered the room by presence first and noises second. Despite every instinct telling Donghun to turn towards him, he managed to keep his eyes not-so-focused on the screen while listening intently to the person shuffling around at the front door behind him.

“Hey Donghun.” He really shouldn’t have straightened up or turned around so quickly, but here he was like some trained dog. Sigh. “Where are the others?”

As expected, Park Junhee, their “fiery” leader, looked just as incredible as always. His hair, for once a miraculously natural dark brown, was slightly windswept from having been out in the fall air, falling in soft waves from where he had it parted in the middle. It seemed that it was chilly outside today, if the slight tint to his cheeks and lips were anything to go by. Donghun barely had the mind to keep himself from commenting on how cute it was to see him bundled up in that oversized scarf, but thankfully that problem was being removed as they spoke.

Er. Right. Speaking.

“Sehyoon went to stock up on food he wants to try over the next week before he starts his diet again.”

“...So the others are making him pay for theirs, too?”

“Mhm.”

“Sneaks.”

Donghun gave Junhee a little amused huff at that before turning back to his show, though it was just playing through some mobile app advertisements now. Sigh. So much for his distraction.

—

“That’s it. My legs are falling off. Go on without me.”

If the others weren’t just as exhausted from learning this choreography, he probably would have gotten some smartass retort about how they couldn’t go anywhere, either. But no, even Byeongkwan was sprawled out across the floor, attempting to regain his breath while Chan hurried over as best he could to shut off the music so their ears could at least be saved while they rested.

There were times where Donghun pondered what it would have been like if he had gone on as a solo singer instead of training to be an idol. Specifically, he thought about this every time they learned a new choreo from an idol group from the damn 90s. No wonder they had learned how to lipsync. Christ.

Thankfully, though, today was a bit of a freebie. They were being let go early, which meant he was keeping his old ass planted right here on this floor and no one was stopping him.

It took them a while to finally get moving and cleaning up the practice room, but once everything was said and done and they were finally getting dressed up to leave, it seemed the two youngest had plans to go out and get some fresh air. This left the three eldest waving them off at the door before they started the trip home, eager to rest their aching muscles and get back into the warmth of the indoors.

Junhee was stuck between Donghun and Sehyoon, of course, since he always seemed to naturally fall there when they walked as a group. Maybe it was just a leader thing, but he had to admit it was nice to walk next to him. It allowed for small talk without cutting the quietest of the three completely out. Not that he contributed too much usually anyway, but they always left the option open, of course.

“—and she’s so cute!!”

Maybe he should learn to stop zoning out when he went on mental tangents, because then he wouldn’t be shocked back to reality with a statement like that. “...She who?”

“My sister? Just had a baby? Talking about it for five minutes? I didn’t think you were getting that old already—“

“I’m only a year older than you. Maybe if you didn’t ramble so much I wouldn’t have to tune you out all the time,” Donghun said with a sickly sweet smile towards the leader, reaching out to pat his back when Junhee ignored him with a roll of his eyes.

“Sure. Anyway, like I was saying...”

And so the walk back went, Donghun teasing him every once in a while just to keep the conversation light and break up Junhee’s trains of thought sometimes. It was fun to watch how easily he could adapt to changes in conversations, especially if it meant seeing his face light up when he started getting into it, or scrunch in thought while he tried to process what he would say next. It was endearing, watching how much thought Junhee actually managed to put into his next words in so little time, like talking was his way of breathing sometimes. And maybe, just maybe watching the warm air curl out from his mouth every time he laughed or huffed made him feel a little fuzzy inside. Donghun was a simple man in that regard he supposed.

While he was simple, he certainly wasn’t blind, nor unaware of his surroundings and caught Sehyoon glancing at him behind Junhee’s back once or twice. Though he couldn’t exactly read his expression (especially when his thoughts were preoccupied elsewhere), or tell what Sehyoon wanted from him, he did notice. Nothing came of it, though, so Donghun decided it could wait and the other would approach him about it later if it was anything important.

—

Apparently, that important matter was something Sehyoon was ready to talk to him about a few weeks later, a point where Donghun had forgotten entirely about it. It came while they were both having a hard time falling asleep due to their respective roommates and had decided to go on a nighttime stroll together through the streets. It wasn’t often it was just the two of them together, living in a dorm and all with three other guys who had the same schedule they did, so it was nice sometimes. Just being around someone his own age that he could stay in a comfortable silence with.

Or, well, so he had imagined.

Surprisingly, once they were well through their walk and probably nearing a good point to turn back, the younger male decided to sit down on an available bench without a word. Expectantly, he looked up at Donghun, who took that as his sign to join him in sitting down.

But then nothing came. Sehyoon just looked between him, the bench, the pavement, and the sky a few times, trying to decide what to say to start this whole discussion without scaring him off. Or himself, probably. Donghun wasn’t really sure what the subject of this talk would be, so he just waited patiently for the other to sort out his words on his own and not rush him. Whatever it was, it looked importa—

“We have problems.”

Oh... well. That’s. What?

“Two problems. Do you know what I’m talking about?”

Donghun just blinked at the other, pretty obviously damn lost. This elicited a sigh from Sehyoon, who leaned back against the bench and watched his own shoes, scuffing at the pavement with them idly.

“Junhee. And Byeongkwan.”

Yes..? Those were some of their members, good job—

“Yours is Junhee. Mine is Byeongkwan. We’re stuck in the same shit.”

A rather unpleasant wave of understanding washed over him at that. While Donghun wasn’t exactly shocked that he would have noticed all of his silent pining over their leader, he was caught pretty off-guard by the fact Sehyoon was admitting his own... problem so openly.

“...Right.” There was no point in denying it, really. Byeongkwan and Yuchan didn’t seem to notice, but he’d been with Sehyoon long enough now that they could read each other well. He hoped, anyway. They were close enough now at least to be able to discuss anything, and this didn’t happen to be an exception.

Sehyoon just sighed, hiding his hands in his cost pockets and sounding only a little bit hesitant when he spoke up again. “...I’m tired of it being a problem. I want your advice on what to do about this, so in return I’ll help you with yours. Deal?”

Here’s where Donghun had to take his own timeout to think. He didn’t want to turn him down, because he knew Sehyoon would only consider taking the risk if he really, truly cared about Byeongkwan to that extent. They were already inseparable as friends. That much he could understand.

Sehyoon wasn’t the type to fall in or out of love easily. Honestly speaking, he wasn’t entirely sure he’d ever seen him in love before, and he didn’t want to see them both end up with a barrier between them that Byeongkwan couldn’t understand the existence of in Sehyoon’s effort to get over him.

Imagining that kind of rift forming between the two physically closest people in the team made Donghun’s heart ache to the degree that he found himself nodding, looking back over at the other decidedly.

“Deal.”

All he had wanted that night was to go for a nice walk before the winter came and the snow made it too hard to safely go around for extended periods of time. He hadn’t really planned to have a whole can of worms open like this. Whatever they decided would affect their group dynamic. That was a simple fact. If anyone pursued anyone, they would have to be serious about it and not let themselves back out while it was still safe to— that’s the only way it would work before they debuted, when it would be too busy for any of them to worry about such a thing as relationships.

So those were their options: get used to pining after someone they would never have and never mention it again in the hopes it would eventually fade, or go all in with it while they could and hope it didn’t completely tear their group apart.

He hated both options.


	2. ii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, so.... i ended up wanting to write the second one? im shocked??

For entirely selfless reasons, Donghun suggests that they test the waters in the group first by starting with the most blatantly obvious couple that would get together: Sehyoon and Byeongkwan. It takes some convincing, but eventually they both agree it would be the best for everyone if all of this didn’t come entirely out of nowhere. Donghun was much, much, much more sure that things were reciprocated between those two than he was with him and Junhee, so it only made sense, right? Get the two most likely together first and gauge the reactions of the others.

It wasn’t really that he was nervous about being accepted or not. Over the past few years of being around trainees in general, he’d met his own fair share of people from many different walks of life (albeit most were from Korea). They had opened him up to a few possibilities he hadn’t considered before and learned to accept, and that sentiment was shared with everyone in their group as well; the restaurant owner they had come across a handful of times had spurred on a few conversations about sexualities in general, and really everyone admitted to only caring about personality since everything else was private. They were also close enough that even if his and Sehyoon’s feelings weren’t reciprocated, they wouldn’t think badly of them for the simple fact of having them.

No. The problem wasn’t in acceptance, it was in what followed. Donghun had seen what happens between friends in that situation where one didn’t reciprocate. While it was fine at first and they tried to act like nothing changed, the atmosphere was different. There was a more conscious effort made to not sit too close, to not get caught showering or changing, to brush off jokes about dating and change the subject. It was subtle, but with enough of a buildup, it just developed into a rift that was difficult to seal back up once it had been made.

He didn’t understand it, and he certainly hoped that none of them would have to understand it in the coming months.

...Right. Donghun should have asked if there would be an ETA on this whole asking-BK-out thing, because now he would be left musing with all possible reactions Jun and Yuchan would have to this and he didn’t even know when it would be happening. Sehyoon had only agreed, reluctantly, that he would give it his all in one shot to come clean (and may have mumbled something about his own funeral procession in the process, but he couldn’t really be sure).

Great.

This wait was going to suck.

—

Donghun was really going to strangle Sehyoon.

It’s been a whole.

Damn.

Month.

He’d started getting antsier and antsier after the first week. When there still didn’t seem to be any visible change in their behaviour around one another, he got antsier. If the term could exist, he would now describe himself as the antsiest antsy to have ever antsed, and it was all Kim Goddamn Sehyoon’s fault.

This shouldn’t have come as a surprise in all actuality. Sehyoon preferred thinking things through and doing them in his own time, making sure all of the details were perfect so he wouldn’t forget anything.

Donghun just wished he wouldn’t do it about such an important matter when their debut date was getting closer and closer, looming over his head like a ticking time bomb—

Okay. He really was being dramatic now.

Glancing around the common area of their dorm room, he decided a little early cleaning wouldn’t do anyone any harm. It would be ruined within two days because of Byeongkwan, but it would give him something productive to do to get his mind off of everything for a while.

—

It takes him another two weeks to find out.

In fact, it takes all of them another two weeks, because that’s when the announcement he’s been waiting on finally comes out while they’re all eating a batch of ramen and watching a random variety show on the TV.

Byeongkwan is the one who takes the initiative, shutting off their program without saying anything to warn anyone about it. Even Sehyoon looks a little off-guard when his hand is taken and he’s forced to stand up, but once he figures out what’s happening it reverts back to his usual neutral face— albeit with the slightest undertone of worry. Donghun can understand.

It just would have been nice to be warned about it beforehand. Thanks, Sehyoon.

“We’re dating.”

It comes as bluntly as he expects it to, and his first reaction is to survey Junhee’s (and later Chan’s) reactions. Obviously, they both look more confused than anything, with how Byeongkwan had gone about doing it. Not very tactful, but it was effective, he supposed.

“It’s been a month now. I’m sorry we’ve been keeping it from you, but it’s what we needed, you know? So we could handle it ourselves and... get used to it. And all.” When no response came, Byeongkwan seemed to lose a bit of his initial confidence, looking between— well, the other two. Why not Donghun? Did Seh—

“Look. Uh. We don’t want to keep any secrets from you guys, and you probably saw this coming way before we did, or I did anyway, since Yoonie notices too much, and. Yeah. I’m not into any of you guys, don’t worry. Uh..”

“We still love you guys the same way. It’s only different between us,” Sehyoon supplied helpfully, since his new boyfriend seemed to be rambling now that he was at a loss for words. “And we don’t want this to change anything between us and you.”

“Right. That.”

Finally, there seemed to be some movement from the two unawares at the table, who finally put their chopsticks down from their bowls. Yuchan, being the blessed little kid he was, sprung up from his seat to hug them both and congratulate them on getting a move on already, spouting on about how it was about time. So that was one issue solved.

The other hadn’t seemed to move. Donghun wasn’t exactly sure how to process this kind of reaction from Junhee when he was normally so expressive and talkative. It was with a creeping feeling of worry that he watched him watch the three standing up, tapping him on the shoulder to try to snap him out of whatever his thoughts were doing to him right now.

“Junhee?”

The sound of his name being called seemed to work, as the leader glanced over at Donghun almost instantly, blinking a few times like he’d just woken up out of a daze.

What followed suit was a sight Donghun was never going to forget and wish he could have snapped a picture of just so it would permanently be trapped in time.

The toothiest, widest, proudest grin he’s seen from the younger man in a long time broke out on his face, making his eyes scrunch up at the corners and his canines poke out. Then came a little high-pitched laugh from Junhee to top it all off, leaving Donghun sitting there on the spot, staring at where his face used to be. Used to be, because Junhee had finally stood up to join Chan in the festivities, saying something about how ecstatic he was to be able to witness their “blossoming love” or something. It was kind of hard to hear him past the blood rushing to his ears. Huh.

He managed to snap out of it enough to join the group hug that was apparently going on right now, but the warmth that had erupted from his chest and courses its way through his entire body was in no way dying down any time soon.

This meant it was his turn next.

Fuck.

How was Donghun supposed to ask out the most incredible person in the world after that?

—

The next few weeks were... odd, to say the least. Sehyoon and Byeongkwan started off a little shyer than normal about their usual skinship, now that the meaning behind it was known to everyone, but eventually it became the same it used to be. There was maybe a few more seconds spent holding hands, or looking at each other while laughing about something under their breaths, and maybe a bit more of an effort made after practices to get alone time together, but otherwise it was the same. Yuchan and Junhee adapted well to change, and since they’d been exposed to this for the past year already now, they were quite used to it. Yuchan even made a few quips to try to embarrass them sometimes, but mostly it just got him flicked in the ear or resorted to dishwashing duty.

It was good. They were good, together. The atmosphere of the team as a whole felt like it had done nothing but bloom under the sudden influx of positivity, and of course with Donghun being a romantic, it made him happy just to see two of his favourite people being able to experience love. The fact it was with each other just made him even happier to see them.

But, of course, also because of the fact he was a romantic, it didn’t take long for him to long for that same happiness. There had been a few relationships in the past, before he considered enlisting, but since he had left college it never seemed to work out. There wasn’t anyone he became close enough to to consider dating, and once he had started on the road to being an idol trainee, it had become impossible. So yes, he was envious of the two that had managed to make something work in such a convenient setting for them, where they would constantly be able to see each other without causing a stir. They were groupmates, after all. It would be normal to see them go out to eat together. They could date freely, for the most part, and no one would bat an eye at their closeness.

Realistically, he knew this was also a possibility for himself. He and Junhee were also in the same group. There would be nothing weird about two members doing the same exact things. Hell, they could even double date and hide it even better.

Just as realistically, however, Donghun knew they weren’t like Byeongkwan and Sehyoon were. It was in Byeongkwan’s nature to be touchy with people, and no one would question him pecking someone’s cheek or hugging them from behind for as long as he was allowed to. Not that he was much of an exhibitionist and sharing his private business around anyway.

No. Their current relationship was different, so it was impossible to tell how things might change, if they did at all.

He was getting ahead of himself, wasn’t he? He didn’t even have a plan for how he was going to attempt to start this, having been too concerned with how the others were doing to remember that yes, it was going to be his turn soon. He was supposed to confess and lay it all out in the open for Junhee in the hopes that, at very least, they could stay the same as they were now. Playful confidantes in one another. Parents to the other members. Friends, most importantly.

Friends he would be satisfied in staying, but it was the risk of even that relationship bottoming out that Donghun was terrified of. He craved for something more, but didn’t want to lose what he already had. Sehyoon at least had had more of a guarantee of being accepted, due to the nature of their relationship before the confession, however it had gone. He would have to ask him how exactly he’d managed that within a few weeks. Maybe it would help.

Or it would just freak him out more. Being in love with his groupmate sure was a fucking headache. With luck, things would pan out and they would be left on good terms, no matter if they dated or not. First and foremost what mattered was their friendship, and any other selfish wants he had past that would have to wait.

—

Being a leader was stressful. They were all aware of the insane amount of pressure that was not only placed on Junhee’s shoulders, but that he had willingly taken on himself. That much had been obvious with him auditioning and practicing for the musical he appeared in, a new stage that he had been excited beyond measure to stand on and try out, all while maintaining his status as their leader. It had been an insane time for him between all of his schedules, yet he always had time for the members when they needed him. It definitely hadn’t been easy by any means, and it had taken its toll on his body, but Junhee had been satisfied with his work and the fruits it gave, so Donghun hadn’t complained. Not excessively.

Since then, he’d done his best to help out with his leaderly duties as best he could, stating the reason as him having a certain responsibility to bear as the oldest. Mostly this meant doing their food runs, taking care of the household duties, and ensuring the happiness and health of everyone. He had acted as stand-in leader when absolutely necessary during the musical days, but he was thankful their group was as small as it was. It wasn’t too difficult to keep track of three homebodies, and there weren’t many duties he had to keep track of since they were just trainees with no interviews to worry about or music shows to arrive for yet. There had been a handful of setbacks, but nothing major and nothing he couldn’t handle.

But now, the story was different. They weren’t only trainees anymore. They got the news that they would begin preparing for their debut soon, and hearing their debut song’s demo blaring out of the speakers for the first time put all five of them into a whirlwind for a while. They worried more about their weights, voices, and dancing; they managed through a few panic attacks; they messed up constantly during their first vocal practice for the song. All very standard for debuts, he assumed, and they were all deadset on ensuring this time, they would debut. It would work out. Their families could stop worrying and they could, eventually, maybe even send home a portion of their first paycheck. They wouldn’t have to consider alternate career paths.

Debuting would be different. Donghun knew this.

He also knew that with this, the responsibilities of the leader would multiply on itself, and the burden would become even heavier to bear.

And he wasn’t going to let Junhee be crushed under it by himself.

The first time he came across the worries of the leader was in the middle of a practice one day where Donghun had gone to check on Junhee since he had claimed to be in the bathroom for a bit too long. He’d found him outside of the fish shop upstairs, taking in deep breaths with his eyes closed and exhaling carefully. On beat, like he was mentally keeping count. He didn’t open them when he heard Donghun approach from the stairs, just finished his breath control and come back down afterwards. He hadn’t said anything to him then, which he regretted later, but he hoped the hand on his back had helped relieve some of the tension there.

The second time he came across the worries of the leader was in the middle of the night. Donghun couldn’t sleep because of Chan’s snoring in the bunk below, so he’d opted to find something to read or watch to fall asleep to in the living room.

Instead, he found a one Park Junhee, playing with the ends of one of his bangs and glaring at the empty TV screen in front of him, unfocused and clearly in thought. He could have made the decision then to respectfully go back to his room to give the other more privacy. He could, but he was too concerned with Junhee’s wellbeing. After all, this was his second time leading up to a debut, and adding on the pressure of being the leader of the group... Donghun couldn’t imagine the weight he was feeling right now. So he went.

The first thing he did on sitting with him was place his hand in the middle of his back, rubbing his palm along his spine as gently as he could. It wouldn’t do them any good to start slouching when they were getting older like this.

“Junhee?”

“Mm.”

“Is everything alright?”

“...Mm.” The sound was dismissive to a degree, probably urging Donghun to forget about it and let him think on his own for a while. Too bad he wasn’t that easy to get rid of once he went into care mode.

“Talk to me. What’s on your mind? I could help.”

This got something of a reaction, at least. The brunette seemed to consider this offer for a bit, finally letting go of his hair to link his fingers together and lean back ever so slightly into his hand. Well, it was something.

“Byeongkwan and Sehyoon.” Oh. Donghun can’t deny that his stomach dropped from the way he said those names. “We haven’t told the manager about them yet. Once we debut, it’s not going to be something we can hide from him. We have to tell him. What if they get caught somewhere together? We’ll have cameras on us all the time, if they slip up even once, it could ruin them. I don’t want them to get threats and rumours because of a few articles—“

“Junhee.” He sighed then, but at least it got the other to stop for a second to listen. “You have every right to be worried, I know you do. But they can handle themselves. They’re more aware than any of us, I think, that they could be putting everything on the line here for what they share. The manager will see that, you know he trusts us.”

“Yeah, but he still needs to be told. We’ve kept them private as long as we could, but now with our debut actually happening... he needs to be prepared to fight rumours. We all do.”

“What has you so worried about it that you’re up this late by yourself?”

The question appears to catch Junhee by surprise, who falls quiet for a little bit. His brows are still scrunched up from all the worrying he’s doing, but with a few more backrubs he comes to some sort of internal conclusion and drops his head, fingers linked behind his neck while he lets out his own breath.

“Nothing, I just... I’m worried. ...For them. And you two, obviously but...” Hesitation. That was never really a good sign when it came to Junhee, so Donghun decided to bring out the big care guns and scoot in closer so he could bring him in closer. Something hopefully more comforting, but if anything the other just seemed to tense up at the sudden lack of distance, glancing up quickly at him before dropping his head back down. More backrubs. “...I can’t tell you why.” Well. Now there’s no backrubs, because he’s the one confused and uncertain all of a sudden. “It.. I can’t explain it to you, right now, but there’s another reason why. It’s part of why I haven’t told the manager about those two yet. I’d rather tell him everything all at once so it would be one quick blow, like you’re supposed to do with a bandaid, right? So he can deal with it and help us keep it within the group, and we won’t...”

“Won’t?”

“.....Won’t split apart.”

“Junhee. I’m sorry, but why the hell would we do that?”

“Because! I shouldn’t like—“

Blink.

Blink.

“...Like...?”

Junhee jolts a little at that, sitting up a little to stare at Donghun for a good half a second before hurriedly standing up to escape back towards his jungle room, not without blurting out a mumbled few words that could have been various kinds of foods.

...

Okay?


	3. iii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not entirely happy with this one, so apologies. ill make it up in the next chapter ^^

Frustratingly, Donghun still couldn’t figure out what Junhee’s problem was. If anything, it felt like Junhee wouldn’t let him find out.

Because he wouldn’t let them be alone long enough to talk.

Which was pretty fucking annoying, because all he wanted to do was talk, now that they were actually getting that much closer to debuting and never having any free time for the next year. He had some rather important business to attend to finally, no thanks to Sehyoon, but every opportunity for it just seemed lost. He would honestly feel a little insulted by all of the avoiding if he thought it was actually personal; if anything, Junhee seemed more flustered with himself over whatever he’d freaked out about before, and while it was cute to see him try to duck his head and hide behind his bangs to pretend like he didn’t notice Donghun staring at him, he was over it.

That sounded a little harsh. It’s not like he was a total brute (even though Byeongkwan whined sometimes just because he liked to pull sleeves or maybe give a friendly little push, psh). He was, however, tired of things suddenly being weird. More than that, he missed talking to Junhee like usual— he never tired of being around Yuchan, of course, but sometimes he got the sneaking suspicion that the opposite wasn’t quite as true— and being able to help soothe a few of his worries. If only these worries were something he knew how to soothe...

Urgh.

Their schedule was basically just practice time now, to make sure they could get the song down even in their sleep so they could prepare for the actual studio recording of it. Any last minute changes would have to start happening soon, and they would also have the choreography to learn soon, too. It made Donghun a little more frantic, because even though they had months left technically until the clock would run out, he wanted to be able to enjoy as much time as possible with Junhee as he could.

Er. Supposing there would be any time to spend together. Of course. Hah. He kept forgetting that this wasn’t a done deal yet and he still had to actually ask the other out and actually let him know he wasn’t kidding about all of it in the process, and yes he knew about the risks involved—

Wow, his imagination was really running with this, wasn’t it?

—

Things settled after a few days. They still needed to practice just as usual, obviously, so it wasn’t that kind of settling. Or the thing being settled. Whatever. Donghun was just happy that Junhee seemed to be getting over his whole avoiding thing finally, probably helped by the fact it had been long enough now that bringing it up out of the blue would just make things overly awkward. At very least he could tell they were back on more comfortable terms again when a selca stick was brought out along with someone’s phone during one of their breaks, and the first person dragged into it by their leader was none other than Donghun himself. 

He would have had half a mind to question it if Yuchan didn’t immediately come in to ram his back and envelop both he and Jun into a hug. It should have been uncomfortable after their weird break over the past week, but he was too accustomed to being attached to all of the members that he just melded against Jun’s side like he belonged there. Since their youngest was the one that started it, he certainly couldn’t take the blame for it, right?

For the first time since he’d gotten his braces on, Donghun beamed up at the camera with his full shiny set on display, all too happy to try to get the others to do the same by attacking as many sides as he could with tickles. Maybe he was giddy to be close to Junhee again, but that didn’t mean he had to leave the others out on some smiles of their own, no matter how much they all claimed to hate being tickled.

Their practice after that continued and finished successfully, in a notably better atmosphere than usual. Seeing how exhausted the others were now just spurred him on to announce that he would handle the cleaning tonight so the others could get an early-ish night in. There were no disagreements, of course, from the expected crowd who took their opportunity to escape before Donghun could change his mind, but he should have expected it wouldn’t be a unanimous thing. Junhee didn’t even say anything to let him know this would be a two-man job: he only took up their cleaning spray and paper towels so he could start wiping down their mirrors.

Nothing past a few small words were exchanged the whole time they cleaned. The goal was to get this done as quickly as possible, after all, so they could hurry to get home and shower, hopefully to be in bed in the next hour after a quick round of skincare. That plan didn’t always work for them, but they tried their best. Their appearances didn’t quite matter that much yet, but the time would be on them before they knew it.

Right. That. Now that he thought about it, this was the perfect opportunity to finally do something about this whole crush business, when they were alone. It might make walking back to the dorm awkward if things went sideways, but well... he could manage that if that’s what it came to later.

In a small burst of resolution, he decided to play it by ear, having forgotten any lines he might have rehearsed hundreds of times for the past month for this exact moment. “Junhee. Can we talk before we go home?” 

The sound of his name got him to look up, at least, and the brunet eyed him back curiously while zipping up his backpack.

“Sure, yeah. What about?” There was a slight hesitation there that Donghun couldn’t pinpoint, but now wasn’t the time to overthink anything. He had to act and get to the point, or else he’d be stuck in internal monologue hell forever.

“I just wanted to- ask for a picture,” he fumbled out, retrieving the caseless iPhone from where he’d left it on top of the back of their couch so he could wave Junhee over to him. “It’s been a while since we took one. The fans are probably missing us, huh?”

That seemed to be enough to convince him to saunter over with that weird (cute) slight duck waddle of his, taking up a position a bit behind his back so he could make some dumbass smirking face over his shoulder at the mirror. Donghun elected to hide his own grin behind the phone just in the hopes Jun wouldn’t see it and question it, and after a few more poses of their little selca session he finally let him go. 

Sort of. Hun still had the actual talking part to get through here, so he had to stop the other from walking away with a small tug on his shirt sleeve.

“Hold on. There was one more thing.”

Holy shit. Was he actually going to say it? 

“What is it?”

Donghun took a second to pause then, try to collect any thoughts he could so he didn’t blurt out something stupid again. Assessing himself, he was doing pretty good, he felt. His hands weren’t overly clammy, his heart was playing a boxing match with his ribcage but it wasn’t stuck in his throat, and he was holding onto the sleeve of a one Park junhee relatively okay. 

The sleeve was okay, at least. It was just a plain white t-shirt. What was more concerning was the tan skin right below that sleeve and leading into it, where he knew a small but sturdy shoulder was hiding. Which led up to a pair of collarbones he had thought about more than was appropriate, which followed the gentle slope of his shoulders to his neck that was skinny and bird-like. Which led up to the cut of a sharp jawline, a pair of lips kept only as soft as they were thanks to an appropriate amount of strawberry chapstick that he’d always been keen on trying. And up the slightly off nose to his eyes, finally, which were looking back at Donghun with a little confusion and a lot of something else he couldn’t quite identify.

Suddenly— or maybe not so suddenly, he wasn’t even sure time was real anymore— all words died in his throat. He was left staring almost dumbly at the other. Very dumbly. Incredibly so, because his mind vacated of any train of thought, and all he could focus on right then was the way he was being looked at by someone he found so utterly divine. No matter how tired or speckled with red Junhee’s face might be, Donghun always found him to still live and breathe the definition of beautiful, and well. Who would pass up the opportunity to get a taste from the Garden of Eden itself?

Before his mind could process how ridiculous (yet true) that comparison was, he was pulling that sleeve and everything it covered and came with towards himself, gently enough to not startle but with enough determination that it couldn’t be ignored.

Before he closed his eyes, Donghun could have sworn he saw the other do the same.

Before their lips even met he could feel more than hear the sharp little intake of breath Jun took, and all he had to do was chase after it.

—

It was heaven.

Warm. Park Junhee was warm in all of the right ways, and by the second time their lips met he could feel it radiate from his hands at Donghun’s waist. Could feel it from the pink cheeks he was now cradling in his hands, cherishing how soft his skin actually was. It was more overwhelming than Donghun could have ever imagined it and enough of a drug that he’s pretty sure he was already addicted.

They didn’t go past that. While he would have loved to roll Jun’s lower lip between his teeth to hear him gasp, or gotten an actual taste, things just didn’t work out the way he wanted them to.

In all fairness, they had managed to reciprocate a few kisses. That was already eons past what Donghun was hoping for.

But in being distracted, Junhee tended to be rather clumsy. He liked to wear his bags over one shoulder, which was a problem when he had rather slim ones and couldn’t even keep jackets on at times.

In being clumsy, Junhee tended to drop things. 

Unfortunately, their small little fantasy world was shattered the instant the backpack hit the floor, thanks to all of the jingly anime keychains on it and whatever else he kept in there besides a change of clothes. The sound of metal on wood was enough to break them apart in shock, both seemingly having forgotten where they were in how much they had melted into each other.

Junhee gaped wordlessly at him at that, cheeks flushing even further in that beautiful pink tint, a little out of breath and lips maybe a little redder than before. He would be proud of that fact if the door of the practice room didn’t swing open at that exact moment, startling them for the second time in under a minute. While Jun was smart and dropped down to retrieve his bag, Donghun stood there in a daze, blinking towards the racket to see what the deal was.

A panting Byeongkwan was the deal. From running, he guessed.

“Hey! Uh, sorry to like, bust in here, but I kinda forgot my phone. And spent the last twenty minutes looking for it. And ran here. And it’s right there on the speaker. Nice.”

So it was running after all. That was nice.

...

...

...

Oh fucking Christ, Byeongkwan—

“It’s fine. We just finished. Cleaning. We finished cleaning and didn’t see your phone, so, good thing you found it!” Junhee’s voice was a little strained, and all Donghun got was a sheepish, panicked glance before he stood up from his crouch with his bag and started for the door. “I’m tired, so I’m gonna head off and shower first, okay? Sorry to abandon you. You can walk back with Donghun, yeah? Don’t get lost!”

Byeongkwan stared after their leader as his back disappeared up the stairs and the practice room’s door closed shut firmly, and Donghun felt about ready to collapse from the sudden headache he just got.

“What’s with him?”

Oh god.


	4. iv

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been a while ^^ theres bound to be mistakes so i apologize for them in advance!

Donghun quickly learned that his headache would be riding along with him for longer than expected or hoped.

They barely got a moment alone with each other for the next week and he didn’t know how to handle it. It only figured; what would a confession be without a lot of bumbling and stumbling about like a lost child? It would have been nice if they could have at least bumbled and stumbled about it together, since then he would be able to tell Junhee upfront how adorable he was when he shied his gaze away after realizing he’d been staring. Thankfully, Byeongkwan was too busy with Sehyoon to notice the sudden weird tension between the two, and Yuchan, well. He wasn’t entirely sure he hadn’t noticed, but if he had, he didn’t say anything about it. So at very least, they could suffer in silence. Without having to explain to anyone that they kind of wanted to kick the other three out of the house so they could get half a moment to talk to each other.

They had to start working out more so they weren’t just skinny but built as well, and knowing the fact they would have their debut choreographed by someone or someones from 1MILLION meant it would be a bitch to learn, so they had better start preparing for it now while they could. There’d be no point in having an upbeat debut if they all collapsed on stage because they couldn’t keep up. Realistically, he knew this. He knew them being busy was a great thing after all of the training they’ve been through for years now.

...But it was also hard to focus, sometimes, with him and Jun trying desperately to communicate through brief glances and touches. It was laughable how the two most talkative of the bunch couldn’t even damn talk to each other especially over their four-some years of built-up friendship and what kissing each other in a totally genuine way would mean for their relationship.

He would pull his hair out if he had the time to.

The one small reprieve they managed to get was during water breaks or cleaning duty, but being surrounded by the other members or staff constantly didn’t really give them a chance to actually talk. The one good part about it was Donghun was able to snake his arms around the other’s shoulders sometimes to give him a hug and hang off of him. Sometimes Jun would rest his head against his shoulder, carefully, and flash him a sneaky cheshire smile that would make his insides turn into goop. Lovey goop. It meant that things would look up for when they could settle this all out, but that made the anticipation even worse; knowing it was reciprocated to some degree but not being able to do anything further than give each other knowing looks because they hadn’t agreed to anything yet. Or laid anything out. Or, well, even confessed. That was a pretty important step Donghun had fumbled over when his mind had blanked its way into making him kiss the other; he’d have to make it up to him somehow and silently promised himself such. It was only what Junhee deserved. He really wanted this to last a long time so starting things off right would get them going towards that. ...Though he supposed a kiss would technically do that, too. Still. He was a romantic at heart and would do things the right way, once he was able to.

Junhee adapted better to their situation than he did. He seemed all too happy to skip the first steps after a while, Donghun rarely having to initiate any of their little touches or hugs by the end of the week since the other gravitated towards him the second he got a chance to. At some point he stopped paying any attention to whether they were being discrete or not, too distracted by the idiot who’d cracked a horrible pun and deserved a tickle punishment. By no surprise, Sehyoon picked up on what was going on and encouraged his own datemate and their youngest to take their own separate break away from the two with snacks, water, populated by considerably lesser amounts of giggling and grinning at each other. Donghun knew they would have to talk it out later on once they were both free, a trend he wished would go away, but for now he enjoyed his time messing with Jun in the brief amounts of time they managed to steal together.

—

4am after a hellish night of practice but a free day following might not have been the best timing for either of them, but it was their first one and Donghun wasn’t going to let it slip by and get thrown into another stretch of mid-distance pining. Junhee often had nightmares and sometimes Yuchan’s snoring grated against Donghun’s ears a bit too much for comfort, so that’s how they both ended up awake at a time they really shouldn’t have been.

The dorm’s living room was quiet and dark, save the light filtering in from the postlamp situated outside and illuminating half of their floorboards in its glow. Not wanting to use up any more electricity than they already did since he could see perfectly fine, he took a bathroom break and followed it by scouring through the fridge for something to snack on. Hm. There wasn’t much by way of snacks, but maybe he could start planning out breakfast for when everyone else woke up later instead. Lately the only meals they could catch were easy and from the convenience stores dotting the way between their home and practice room and he didn’t like how easily Chan was able to jab him in the ribs with his elbow. Maybe getting some meat on his bones would do something about that, if only his metabolism and energy levels wouldn’t burn off every calorie he had him eat. Hmh. 

He was in the process of finding a pen to scribble down a few more ingredients they would need to make anything notably edible when the jungle room’s door creaked open (they could do with some grease for the hinges, too) and a ruffled, pouty puppy came shuffling out. Donghun only gave him a once over to hide a smile for himself about how disheveled he looked before going back to plotting out the meals for later, keeping his voice hushed even once Junhee had half the mind to shut the door behind him.

“Hey.”

There wasn’t a response for a bit, but going off of the slight pause in barefooted floor scuffles, he knew he’d been heard.

“..Hi.” Junhee’s voice was raspy from sleep and held an edge to it. Hun didn’t think much of it, given the tendency of their leader to have nightmares that he never described to his group, but he didn’t expect him to immediately go up to him and rest his forehead against his shoulder with a quiet sigh. The paper and pen were forgotten in favour of his hands finding their way around Jun’s shoulders instead, stroking the fine hairs in the nape of his neck in comfort. They’ve done this before, but in the dark like this after that kiss, it felt almost too intimate a position to stay in. Donghun had the other turn towards him and meet him in the eye so he could brush his bangs back from his face and graze a knuckle over his cheek. 

He only sighed and leaned into the touch, Jun’s hands snaking around his waist but not pulling him any closer. “You look tired. Why did you get up?” Donghun murmured, the temptation to scold poking at his mind but from the other’s current state he only felt a wave of protectiveness, of wanting to make sure everything was alright before acting playful.

“Couldn’t go back to sleep. They both slept through whatever noise I made this time. Kinda sucked.” Ah, another nightmare. They didn’t share a room so he usually didn’t need to deal with them, but he knew Byeongkwan was used to “saving” their leader from them when he could— it was a shame he wasn’t able to this time.

“We have a little milk left. I’m going shopping later anyway, so you can drink it if you want. Do you want me to heat it up for you?”

“Hun, I’m not a baby,” came the drowsy whine, but that at least meant Junhee was starting to wake up a bit more if he was feeling up to a retort like that. It just had him smiling softly where they were holding onto each other in the kitchen, trying to see his expression better in the dim light and enjoying their mutual silence.

It should have been weirder than it was, but Junhee had always been easy to be with. Easy to tease, easy to hang out with, easy to talk to. Sharing in a peaceful quiet wasn’t anything they hadn’t done before and hopefully it would never be something they couldn’t do in the future, too. That thought had him brushing a thumb over his cheek pensively before deciding now was as good as ever. He really sucked at timing, didn’t he?

The brunet didn’t resist when Donghun started leading him from the kitchen to sit on the couch where they’d actually be able to see each other. He blinked at the sudden lighting in his eyes, sure, but with how acutely he focused on Hun once he adjusted he knew now would be okay. Maybe not opportune, but okay. He only spared one glance at the closed bedroom doors separating them from their other three members before taking Jun’s hands in his own, apparently expected by how quickly his fingers slotted between his. He found himself looking down at them entwined, resting on their knees that were ghosting against each other, amused at the difference in length. Small, warm hands were swallowed by his own spindly digits, and he found that focusing on one part of Junhee for too long only led to his getting absurdly distracted, so he cleared his throat moreso to ground himself than out of awkwardness. Yeah. He could do this now. 

Junhee’s expression was unreadable when he looked back up at him, but he could feel he was waiting for him to say it— it was obvious what he wanted to do here and the fact he wasn’t being pushed away was giving him a lot more confidence than he thought possible. Maybe he’d been more worried about this than he’d thought.

“Junhee.” An answering squeeze of his hands. Cute and small in his own. “I meant to talk to you about this last time. When.. Byeongkwan interrupted us. ...That had sort of been...” Donghun tilted his head in trying to find the right explanation, since calling it outright a mistake wasn’t what he meant at all. There were no regrets here about it, after all. “An accident? Yeah. I was trying to tell you how I feel and confess to you upfront, but you’re really too pretty for your own good. I got distracted.” That little pink tint was back now but even then his leader stayed quiet, wanting him to finish speaking. It must have been hard to keep his mouth shut for someone so talkative, huh? He could appreciate that effort. “I like you. A lot. I could go on about the reasons why if you wanted to hear them all now, but I’m a bit scared one of the others would hear. They don’t need to know how sappy I am.” That got him another favourite sight of his: Junhee struggling to hold back his big toothy grins, lips disappearing between his teeth and head ducking slightly. As if the other members didn’t already know. Damn it, focus Donghun. “..I want to date you. Sehyoon figured it out already and we had this whole plan where he would confess to Byeongkwan first since they were already a given so we could judge your reaction to it. But I guess you kissing back kind of did that alrea—“

Ah, there was the outburst he had been expecting. Junhee couldn’t keep himself sitting still anymore and it was only with a smile from them both that their lips met again, rushed and fumbled with how quickly it had been initiated, but still enough to leave his head woozy and chest flooded in warmth when he pulled back. He probably looked as starstruck as he felt if Junhee’s grin was anything to judge off of. Even in the sharp lighting he was still attracted to that smile, and knowing now that he might be able to kiss it whenever he wanted was enough to have him grinning right back.

“Of course Yoon would leave me in the dark. I already told him how I was the one crushing on you, and you two were actually just plotting behind my back. Mean.” With how his eyes curved and smile didn’t fade, though, Donghun could tell he didn’t really mean it, especially since it just led to another few excited pecks. “I like you, too. I’m glad you kissed me first. That made it really hard to sleep, though, you know,” he said almost exasperatedly before he pulled their hands apart so he could give him a hug. That part Donghun hadn’t been expecting, but he hugged back all the same, rubbing along his spine for comfort and forgetting entirely about the whole “hey it’s early so we should keep it down” aspect. If they woke up they could deal with it. This wasn’t the type of conversation they should have out in the open somewhere with the chance of being overheard, and though it was unfortunate it was happening at an ungodly hour of the morning, it was long overdue. He didn’t consider himself very impatient most of the time but sometimes it was necessary. Junhee squeezed into the hug at first, having fallen quiet again in favour of melting them both together. He wasn’t someone Donghun would ever consider frail— there was too much willpower and intent, thin and wiry muscle accentuated by scatterings of pronounced veins across tanned skin, too much precision in his movements; even so, he felt small in his arms here, practically limp and resting against his chest to match their breathing together and it made him want to do nothing short of protect him. From what, he didn’t know and Junhee would surely scoff at the notion, but it remained in the back of his mind as he held him close there and felt the boniness of his back, the content little noise that escaped with a particularly deeper exhale. He wasn’t sure why, exactly, he wanted to protect someone he knew to be so strong despite his appearance. Maybe Donghun was the mother hen of the group after all.

That was fine. Whatever he was, he was apparently enough for Junhee. That was what mattered at this moment.

Eventually, the brunet pulled back from their embrace, a small— dare he say it, shy— smile gracing his lips and causing that protective feeling to practically drown him where he sat. “Sorry I avoided you. I thought you would’ve figured me out and pushed me away. I guess that makes you braver than I am.” 

“Not at all. I couldn’t even think of telling you until I saw you react to Yoon, remember? If we hadn’t made it a deal in the first place I would be stealing Channie’s sun pillow to sleep with right now to wallow in misery or something.”

There was an odd glint in Jun’s eye after that that he didn’t like one bit, and all it took was one sly-ass comment of “you can sleep with me now” for him to snort and give the younger a gentle shove to his shoulder. They were comfortable enough to be able to make jokes now, so that was a good thing, right? It definitely felt like one.

“You do need to go back to sleep, though. I know you’re still tired. Today’s our break day, you should get some rest and leave brunch to me,” Donghun scolded lightly, reaching out to pat him on one of his cheeks. They were still all puffy from sleep and as cute as it was, he knew out of all of them Jun would need sleep the most with everything that rested on his shoulders. “And no, I’m not joining you. I don’t need to oversleep and wake up to Byeongkwan shoving his camera in my face. We don’t need to keep it secret like they did, but I don’t want them... meddling, for now.”

Junhee seemed to be agreeable enough in his state to nod along to that, though he also seemed all too eager to lean into his palm and sneak a light peck to it. Cute bastard.

After exchanging hesitant goodbyes and another, short goodnight kiss between their doors, they separated for the night. Donghun doubted he would be falling asleep again what with the ghostly touch of a smaller, softer pair of lips against his distracting him, but at very least he could get a few more hours of rest. Maybe some light reading, once day broke, or—

Or some actual sleep, since the second he hit his pillow he felt all of his past worries from the last few weeks ebb away into nothing while the warmth of what was left engulfed him and convinced him to give in to it.

One room over, Junhee slept soundly for once, nightmares that plagued him more often than they should completely forgotten and leaving him be. It meant he would be the last one to wake up since no one bothered trying to wake him anymore with his tendency to sleep-talk at them, but it was well worth the peaceful rest he’d gotten in exchange.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for the nice comments you’ve left and i’ve gotten about this one. ive never done continuous chapters for a fic before (which u can see from my one-shot tendency) so i appreciate the support a lot. my inspiration for stories comes and goes, so i apologize for the wait. thank you for being patient with me and i hope this was worth it :)


End file.
